Dilemma
As usual....... I conveniently *forgot* about my blog for ummmm... a few weeks? :) My bad! Maybe one of my new year resolutions should be to try to remember that I actually have a blog and that maybe once in a while I should actually update it!
Anyway... Christmas was cool and 2005 actually appeared to start out okay (not too sure about all that now though). I think I got the best Christmas gifts ever this year round... My honey got me this cute cute cute baby pink Guess wallet that I was wanting for a while and a cream colored matching Guess sweater (note to self: time to hit the gym, need to fit into new sweater) ...for my birthday..which was 2 days before Christmas HE GOT ME A RING!!! It was totally unexpected, it's the prettiest gold ring with topaz (my birth stone) and diamonds in it. That brings me back to why I initially started this blog - as a reflection on me and him. By the way, I haven't finished the hes just not that into you book. .. But I decided that I'll keep this blog and this blog title and continue to fill it with my worldly wisdom on perfect relationships (yeah rite! :p). Christmas day was actually fun - hung out at his place with a bunch of friends, got crunked up...& watched girly movies & talked, etc... until the wee hours of the morning (well 4am or 5am I think?)...had too much to drink, can't really remember much :)
This brings me to New Years ....which brought me to the realization that: I'M TOOOO OLD TO CLUB WITH 19 YEAR OLDS!!!! So, this means I'll have to stay far far away from the Dome, the Palace and most other clubs in Halifax. I will spare you all the gruesome details of what went down that night... But, the night started out fine and then everything went downhill from there.. The only lesson I gained from that is - I shall be sticking to martini lounges and hiphop parties... At least that way, little blonde teenage girls won't feel compelled to spill their drinks on me, or step on my feet...& if I do make it to the Dome this year - the next little blonde girl who does *anything* to me... ....I might just get very very mad :) (or more..)
So, after the New Years fiasco I decided to focus on actually completing my projects for my work-at-home job, focus on leaving my current good for nothing job, focus on finding a career, focus on leaving Halifax and focus on making money to fund my "shoe n purse fetish" :) Things seemed to go well for a little while, I actually got some interviews, thought I was making headway...And then as is the motto of my life - things all fell apart.. I didn't get any of the positions... I have been told waaay too many times that I'm overqualified.. I mean DUDE!!! *smile* if i didn't want the job, i wouldn't have applied? Soooo..... Nothing new on the job front... I've got a bunch of ideas for my own business but reasons beyond my control are preventing me from putting anything into motion.. I feel like someone with a lot of power has a personal vendetta against me and is really really really ensuring that NOTHING in my life goes right! On the bright side, my relationship's been cool... nothing bad happening, no arguing (well hardly any arguing..shyt- blame it on my big mouth!), and things just seem *perfect* at times....But for how long? You know that invisible person with a personal vendetta I mentioned...? Well hmmm..it comes into play here as well...
Here's the scenario - Me and Him - "perfect" 3 year relationship, can actually stand being around eachother 24/7, he's like my best friend, I can't imagine my life without him, at this point I can truthfully say I want to spend the rest of my life with him.. I don't know if it's just my biological clock ticking but I can look at him and say - I want you to be the father of my children. I have never been in a relationship this perfect before .....and I don't think I will ever be able to get along with anyone else the way I get along with him... And yeah I know a lot of people out there that know me are scratching their heads thinking "perfect"??? lol :) Well, there is a lot about us that IS perfect, and that let's me forget all the "not so perfect" ...Straight up, if he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me I'd agree in a heartbeat.... Sounds too perfect to be true? It is..... I'm a DESI!!!!!!!!! A damn desi!!! (*desi = person originally from the indian subcontinent ...i don't care if you were born in india, australia, canada, trinidad, the US, guyana, england...antartica.... if your roots are indian...you're DESI in my world :) ) my parents would never ever accept him.. WHY? he's not a suitable boy... he could be perfect in every way... but he's not desi ...hmmm.. WHAT TO DO? yeah, i'll probably get messages from random people telling me it's my life and I'm grown enough so I should do what I want and when will I start living my own life... etc..etc..etc... heard it all before..and you know what!? It's not that easy....I'm an only child, I'm a daughter, my parents practically gave up their life so I could have the perfect life (in their eyes) ....So I have two choices: 1) Go against my parents wishes, have them disown me and be with him 2) Break up with him, find a "suitable boy" and then there's ofcourse #3 which I've been living for the most part of my life - LIE .....they don't live here, so they don't have to know...or do they? :(
Anyway... Christmas was cool and 2005 actually appeared to start out okay (not too sure about all that now though). I think I got the best Christmas gifts ever this year round... My honey got me this cute cute cute baby pink Guess wallet that I was wanting for a while and a cream colored matching Guess sweater (note to self: time to hit the gym, need to fit into new sweater) ...for my birthday..which was 2 days before Christmas HE GOT ME A RING!!! It was totally unexpected, it's the prettiest gold ring with topaz (my birth stone) and diamonds in it. That brings me back to why I initially started this blog - as a reflection on me and him. By the way, I haven't finished the hes just not that into you book. .. But I decided that I'll keep this blog and this blog title and continue to fill it with my worldly wisdom on perfect relationships (yeah rite! :p). Christmas day was actually fun - hung out at his place with a bunch of friends, got crunked up...& watched girly movies & talked, etc... until the wee hours of the morning (well 4am or 5am I think?)...had too much to drink, can't really remember much :)
This brings me to New Years ....which brought me to the realization that: I'M TOOOO OLD TO CLUB WITH 19 YEAR OLDS!!!! So, this means I'll have to stay far far away from the Dome, the Palace and most other clubs in Halifax. I will spare you all the gruesome details of what went down that night... But, the night started out fine and then everything went downhill from there.. The only lesson I gained from that is - I shall be sticking to martini lounges and hiphop parties... At least that way, little blonde teenage girls won't feel compelled to spill their drinks on me, or step on my feet...& if I do make it to the Dome this year - the next little blonde girl who does *anything* to me... ....I might just get very very mad :) (or more..)
So, after the New Years fiasco I decided to focus on actually completing my projects for my work-at-home job, focus on leaving my current good for nothing job, focus on finding a career, focus on leaving Halifax and focus on making money to fund my "shoe n purse fetish" :) Things seemed to go well for a little while, I actually got some interviews, thought I was making headway...And then as is the motto of my life - things all fell apart.. I didn't get any of the positions... I have been told waaay too many times that I'm overqualified.. I mean DUDE!!! *smile* if i didn't want the job, i wouldn't have applied? Soooo..... Nothing new on the job front... I've got a bunch of ideas for my own business but reasons beyond my control are preventing me from putting anything into motion.. I feel like someone with a lot of power has a personal vendetta against me and is really really really ensuring that NOTHING in my life goes right! On the bright side, my relationship's been cool... nothing bad happening, no arguing (well hardly any arguing..shyt- blame it on my big mouth!), and things just seem *perfect* at times....But for how long? You know that invisible person with a personal vendetta I mentioned...? Well hmmm..it comes into play here as well...
Here's the scenario - Me and Him - "perfect" 3 year relationship, can actually stand being around eachother 24/7, he's like my best friend, I can't imagine my life without him, at this point I can truthfully say I want to spend the rest of my life with him.. I don't know if it's just my biological clock ticking but I can look at him and say - I want you to be the father of my children. I have never been in a relationship this perfect before .....and I don't think I will ever be able to get along with anyone else the way I get along with him... And yeah I know a lot of people out there that know me are scratching their heads thinking "perfect"??? lol :) Well, there is a lot about us that IS perfect, and that let's me forget all the "not so perfect" ...Straight up, if he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me I'd agree in a heartbeat.... Sounds too perfect to be true? It is..... I'm a DESI!!!!!!!!! A damn desi!!! (*desi = person originally from the indian subcontinent ...i don't care if you were born in india, australia, canada, trinidad, the US, guyana, england...antartica.... if your roots are indian...you're DESI in my world :) ) my parents would never ever accept him.. WHY? he's not a suitable boy... he could be perfect in every way... but he's not desi ...hmmm.. WHAT TO DO? yeah, i'll probably get messages from random people telling me it's my life and I'm grown enough so I should do what I want and when will I start living my own life... etc..etc..etc... heard it all before..and you know what!? It's not that easy....I'm an only child, I'm a daughter, my parents practically gave up their life so I could have the perfect life (in their eyes) ....So I have two choices: 1) Go against my parents wishes, have them disown me and be with him 2) Break up with him, find a "suitable boy" and then there's ofcourse #3 which I've been living for the most part of my life - LIE .....they don't live here, so they don't have to know...or do they? :(
posted by Diamond Princess at 4:47 PM
6 Comments:
As one of the people that have witnessed your relationship grow from the very beginning, I think you and your "honey" (lol) have the potential to last for a very long time, forever even. And since I understand your desi situation, being one myself (it's true!) I would say #3 seems to be the best option until someone comes along with an idea so brilliant that no one has ever thought of it before.
Good luck!
we know you have the toughest choice. finding that person and mutually feeling that you can spend forever together and being able to work towards just that is not something that can be taken lightly. i know about the culture thing and the only-child & daughter thing, but you know... they kinda know already. maybe they'll come around when other parts of your life come together in addition to finding your soulmate/lifemate. we are still young....
Me desi too. Raised in UK, London. Haveing been raised in predominantly "white" area through childhood - the whole concept of marrying "Indian" was alien to me. I rebelled against the idea very often. But in the end - and I was quite young - at age 22 I literally just bumped into a girl in exactly the same situation as me: desi raised here - and she was actually engaged to be (arranged) married to someone else at the time. Within 4 weeks I asked her to marry me - and she agreed - but we both new it would be a bit of an adventure. The turmoil with both sets of parents/family was like what you could never believe - even though we were both desi ! But we made it. And we are married for life.
But the thing I really wanted to say is something that you probably don't want to hear: As the years have passed by - kids etc. - us getting older etc. The one thing that we find ourselves respecting more than anything else is a sense of belonging to that "c" word: "culture". I think it's an identity thing - hard to explain - but I guess what I'm really trying to say is that we are so glad that we married desi (even if it was not the perfect desi match that our parents would have originally aspired to) - because we have grown to really appreciate being inside our culture. I imagine how it might be like if I had married a white girl - and as the years went by I guess I would have tried to get into my culture from the outside - and that would have been hard - and I guess I would go on to become disappointed by that. I dunno - maybe things just shape differently if you take different paths. For example - there is a Punjabi woman at my work who married a white guy - and they have two small kids - and I talk with her a lot - she seem to be very happy and enjoying life - but she does her hardest to ensure her kids go to Gurudwara and can speak/understand Punjabi - even though she lives in more idyllic "English" environment. So - I guess anything can be acheived if you work at it.
But - your last points were interesting. All I can say is that - the older the parents get - the more mellow they become in their thinking. If you really feel that you've got your life soul-mate - then perhaps the best thing to do is to "break the news to them slowly" - i.e. over a period of years etc. I'm not saying get married and don't tell them - although if you want to get married soon then that could be problematic!
Anyway enough rambling now - gotta go.
Oh - forgot to leave a signature on the last posting. I am Jag from Route 79. I came over here from Mona's diary pages. Cheers.
http://www.route79.com/journal
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